Out of the Fog
I've erased roughly four intros to this post and I'm telling you because it's the truth.
Owning truths used to be my quest. I'd tell everyone that if they wanted some self reflection they'd have to first accept their current position. So today, my truth is that I've been in a strange fog for the past few months and I can't tell you why, and I can't tell you how, because honestly I don't understand it myself.
I think the tornado of life changes kicked it off. I let my head swirl with questions of "what the actual f*ck am I doing here" and it took over my reality. You would think maybe I've been sad, overwhelmed, anxious but no. I've actually been content in the haze and that's why it lasted this long.
Still, it hasn't been good for my health [like literally, I've felt sick the majority of this time]; humans need human contact and hitting a bout of seasonal affective disorder in this season of rejuvenation is enough to turn even the most healthy person into a leper.
I woke up from this coma to see the world a bit brighter.
The sun feels like it's shining just for me now and I have a new appreciation for cleaning. This week I deep cleaned my home and it somehow cleansed the cob webs from my mind and made me open my eyes to a better tomorrow. I still don't know what I'm doing here, whether I'll get hired or make it in the writing scene or even if my car will start tomorrow, but I realize that I still have to keep living regardless of these questions.
I can't dwell in what I used to be or who I used to emulate. I can only focus on today, right now, writing this blog post and recognizing my time as precious and necessary, for the future of my being.
This moment is all we have. What you do with it is all your choice. I choose to make it last.
-A.
Owning truths used to be my quest. I'd tell everyone that if they wanted some self reflection they'd have to first accept their current position. So today, my truth is that I've been in a strange fog for the past few months and I can't tell you why, and I can't tell you how, because honestly I don't understand it myself.
I think the tornado of life changes kicked it off. I let my head swirl with questions of "what the actual f*ck am I doing here" and it took over my reality. You would think maybe I've been sad, overwhelmed, anxious but no. I've actually been content in the haze and that's why it lasted this long.
Still, it hasn't been good for my health [like literally, I've felt sick the majority of this time]; humans need human contact and hitting a bout of seasonal affective disorder in this season of rejuvenation is enough to turn even the most healthy person into a leper.
I woke up from this coma to see the world a bit brighter.
The sun feels like it's shining just for me now and I have a new appreciation for cleaning. This week I deep cleaned my home and it somehow cleansed the cob webs from my mind and made me open my eyes to a better tomorrow. I still don't know what I'm doing here, whether I'll get hired or make it in the writing scene or even if my car will start tomorrow, but I realize that I still have to keep living regardless of these questions.
I can't dwell in what I used to be or who I used to emulate. I can only focus on today, right now, writing this blog post and recognizing my time as precious and necessary, for the future of my being.
This moment is all we have. What you do with it is all your choice. I choose to make it last.
-A.
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